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A New Year - The Cover Story
October 2013
Wed, Jan. 1st, 2003 11:37 pm
A New Year

Well, so much for last year's resolution. I had it to August. Let's try again. So much has happened since my last entry, I'll have to fill in the back story over a few days. Suffice it to say, there have been no major improvements to my situation since I stopped writing. Andrea still eludes me, Devan is once again a monster, as is Irma, Adam has another girlfriend, and Rachael once again longs for Duane's return from Scotland. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I suppose I should cover at least the major changes that have taken place since the last entry. First, my personal favorite topic, Andrea. Operations in the Andrea theatre have met with little success since I move on campus. My initial optimism about her breaking out of her shell has been largely shattered at this point. For a while in early December 2002, Joe and I thought that Andrea might have been circling, waiting for him to become available. I talked to Andrea about it, but I do not believe she wants Joe as a romantic partner. Perhaps the lowest point of my confidence came not in something that happened, but in something that didn't. Towards the beginning of the year, Nina kept dropping hints about Andrea and I as a couple, but never in front of Andrea. Because I thought it useful, I asked Nina to have a conversation with Andrea on that very topic. After some weeks, Nina had not mentioned anything regarding Andrea and myself, so I asked her if she had had said conversation. She replied in the affirmative, and said nothing more. Although I can only speculate on the contents of their conversation, it seems Andrea convinced Nina that a future relationship with me is beyond the realm of possibility. On the other side of the proverbial coin is a conversation I had with Kerry, my RA. She was Andrea's RA last year, and so had insight I would've liked to have. I have only lately learned of my impact on Andrea's life early in our acquaintence. Apparently, she went to talk with Kerry about when I first approached her, and had said she thought I wanted to go on a date. At the time, Kerry encouraged her to do so, but we know where that lead. Later on, Kerry said Andrea came to her and once again they discussed my relationship with Andrea. She asked Andrea why she didn't go out with me, and said Andrea was struck silent by the question, and could not produce an answer. So it goes. Although I have the support of almost everyone who knows us, Andrea and I seem to be far from having a serious relationship. I find it regretable, but it is not my place to press harder than I have already pressed. And then there is Dan, the roommate who I will, in all likelihood, never see again. He graduated, and at last contact, was hoping to be offered a job in Houston in the space industry. He was a good man, and I enjoyed our time together at WPI. Perhaps I will relate more anecdotes about our experiences in later entries. During the school year I once again started hanging out with Devan, hoping to slowly regrow our relationship with each other. We would hang out, go to shows, play pool, and eventually I started helping her weekly with her precalculus work at Worcester State College. However, a nagging thought in the back of my head kept telling me that this wasn't right, that something was wrong in the way Devan acted. Eventually I was able to resolve it to the possibility that she was using me as an access ramp to Adam. I let this theory brood in the back of my mind until one night, when I learned Adam had a new girlfriend, a friend of Rachael's named Ewa. The next day, Devan cancelled our weekly meeting, and told me she wouldn't be needing my help anymore for the rest of the class. At this point I confronted her with my now relatively secured theory about her recent interest in me. She didn't even try to deny it. She told me that she would not blame me if I never spoke to her again, and asked me not to egg her house. I was shocked. Even though I had superficially been preparing for such a statement, the reality of the situation hit home. I had finally been repairing a damaged relationship, essentially making a new friend, one that I was starting to trust more and more, I was starting to think maybe life wasn't so bad after all. I found in the aftermath of Devan's revelation, mere cynicism turned to anger, and anger to paranoia. I started getting more and more disagreeable more and more often. Suddenly, couples really, really bothered me. I found myself getting intensely jealous of my attached friends, and frustrated almost to the point of tears. Which brings us to Ewa, Adam's new girlfriend. Actually, new is a misstatement, as their association is now some weeks old. Adam apparently relieved some fellow at Clark of her, at least, so I am told. She's an interesting character that I can't bring myself to trust, for a number of reasons. She seems to condescend at everything, and is almost as cynical as I. She is one of those people who will hate something because it is popular, and uses her past as an excuse to do so. She tells me she had a miserable time in school, and now she doesn't trust anyone, except for a few friends she refuses to let go of. She, like Devan, has made an effort to get close to me now that's she's going out with Adam. My instincts tell me there's more here than meets the eye, but I cannot tell exactly what or where. At work things have continued to slide. I was given my performance review, six months late and with half the raise I was expecting. Mitch and Micah are very sorry about it, but they do nothing. Winston comes to the office reeking of pot, and I have to tolerate it because he sits near me. Alex left under mysterious circumstances, which haven't fully been explained. At school, my MQP and IQP are still outstanding, and pressure is constantly being applied. I'll talk more about those later, as I'm sure they'll factor into my coming term most prominently. So, on all three of my theatres of operations in life, Personal, Work, and School, I'm losing ground, and most of my lights have gone out of sight. I suppose things could be a lot worse, but the year is young.