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Conjecture - The Cover Story
October 2013
 
 
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Mon, Jan. 21st, 2002 06:26 pm
Conjecture

When I was back at the Academy, my friends and I made a sport of simply sitting about and throwing out wild ideas and discussing them. We discussed social issues, mostly, because at the time those were the most interesting. I recently came to the realization that, while I still think about the things we used to talk about, and come up with new topics, there is nobody to discuss them with anymore. No more idle conversation with friends about meaningless philospohical speech. There's just nobody to listen any more. That is indeed a shame, for I have thought of some of the most wonderous topics of conversation in the intervening years. But one has occupied my thoughts the last two nights as I tried to get to sleep. My thought was this: If I were to die suddenly, would anybody care? The immediate reaction one might have to this question is yes, of course. Take the example of George Bailey in "Its a Wonderful Life", but most of the counter arguments were based on the assumption he was never born. Of course somebody would care. My parents would be devastated, and I'd like to think my two sisters as well, but they are a given. Ultimately, do I effect anybody I haven't known all my life such that they would care if I left the stage? Pete and Mike would be distraught, but I suspect special exceptions are made for MQP groups when a member punches his clock. Mitch would throw a fit, and complain how much further behind it would set my project, but Scott could pick up the load. I'm not irreplacable at that company anymore. Certainly Rachael and Amanda and Caroline would have some emotional display at my departure, but it would probably be just that; a display. Adam and Tom would be affected, but both have dealt with losing a friend before; they'd not be deeply changed. Lonna might be unhappy, but she's been dead to the world as of late. Maybe when she recovers she'd feel something, but by then it would be old news. Andrea, Cindy, Alex, Nate, and all those others would probably never even know; I just wouldn't be around anymore, wouldn't talk to them. Just wouldn't be there. Irma would probably be distraught, but she has a massive network of friends to support her; there would be no lasting impact. And there it is. I don't think anybody would truly care, or indeed notice unless they were told. I'd just be gone. No longer a factor. All of my friends are moving on to other circles of friends, but I am never in one place long enough. With the guys from the GDC, everything is video games. With Pete and Jessi, everything is school. With Tom, its whatever the latest craze in IT Security is. Ironically, I think the person I connect the most with is Scott at the office. That is truly a scary thought. Most of the day we sit and exchange zings. Oh well. Maybe there is hope just around the corner. Perhaps somebody will waltz into my life who like to sit and talk about meaningless philophical topics for hours on end. Perhaps I will discover somebody I already know has a dimension to them I don't know about yet. Perhaps I will find a true friend again, someday. Only the stars know for sure...

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