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Back in Britain - The Cover Story
October 2013
 
 
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Tue, Jun. 27th, 2006 07:34 am
Back in Britain

And we're back, live from Maidenhead, Berkshire!

The flight was great, except for the little kid who kept kicking the back of my dead-center-of-a-777's-coach-row chair. I went out for ice cream and recreational shopping with rgfgompei before she took me to the airport, where I picked up 2 more Foundation novels and Half-Life 2: Episode One.

Now, I love Half-Life, and Half-Life 2 was great, too. I hate myself for buying them, though. There are few titles that I look at and say, "I should have pirated this game", but pretty much everything Valve has made since the Original Half-Life has fallen into this category. I have a deep and abiding hatred of Steam that somehow I let myself get talked out of everytime a new Half-Life game comes out, and I end up paying full market price for the game, and I end up regretting that I supported this goddamn product.

Now, I have a Episode One DVD. I paid $20 for it. It has an activation code printed on a bit of cardboard inside the case. I sat in Terminal B at Logan, thinking to myself, "Gee, I have 3 hours before my flight. I should play my new game." I pop out the DVD case, open it up, and drop the DVD in. It says:

Arrgh, matey, I be needin' to install Steam on ye machine!


Fine. Do it, I'll remove it later.

Yarr, I be copying the files. URK! I can't be loading Steam.dll! Avast! All is lost! (die)


Buh?

Two reboots later, I find that Steam throws a "Steam.dll cannot be loaded" error if you don't have a network connection. So I connect to Logan Wifi, which I don't have a password for, but which is willing to assign me an IP, and Steam starts up. I kick off the installation process again.

Har Har Har! I be updating Steam, matey!


Now, at this point in the game, I don't have access to the Internet, I just have an IP address from a Gateway that's willing to let me connect for $8. Steam just hangs out for two hours while I play SEIV (concidentally, another Steam-distributed game now), until I finally kill it. I try doing a direct install by accessing the MSI's on the disc, but they're protected.

Finally, I get to work (14 hours later), and I plug into yonder Internet. Over my lunch break, I kick off the installer and let it finally update Steam's datafiles. It thanks me and asks me to log in. I enter my 25, and it informs me that my Product Key has been irrevocably linked to my login.

Thanke', matey. You'll now be needin' to be loggin' intae that Steam system whene'r you try to be playing this game. Be ye havin' a nice day.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (*smashes phone*) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (*smashes organizer*) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (*smashes keyboard*) HHHHHHHHHHHH (*jumps on desk*) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (*plays banjo*) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (*screams more*) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I'm serious thinking about demanding my money back.




Tags: ,
Current Location: Maidenhead, England

3CommentReplyShare

petercooperjr
petercooperjr
Peter Cooper Jr.
Tue, Jun. 27th, 2006 12:35 pm (UTC)

I'm very confused. Are you back here, or back in England? Had you left England? Is this seriously some freaky game that just requires a constant Internet connection purely as a copy protection measure?


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bronzite
bronzite
Robert Bronzite
Tue, Jun. 27th, 2006 12:39 pm (UTC)

I came back to the US for the weekend, but now I'm back in England. Having a packed schedule before I stepped on the plane encouraged me not to advertise my return lest I get total overflow from misplaced desires to see me during the 4 days I was back.

And yes, it appears to require an Internet just as copy protection. The system itself is a an Internet distribution system, which allows you to redownload anything you've purchased through it, but requires you to login to play the game. I've found some references to an "Off-line mode", but the checkbox described isn't where their help files say it should be...


ReplyThread Parent
noble_resonance
noble_resonance
Tue, Jun. 27th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)

I'm sorry, I had no desire to inflict such anger upon you when I sung the praises of Episode One. I've never had any problems with Steam, but then again I never use it except on a home machine with a net connection.

Overall I still like the idea of Steam in concept, I wish Valve would get off it's lazy butt and make the implementation less like spyware.


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