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Ponderisms - The Cover Story
October 2013
 
 
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Mon, Oct. 24th, 2005 01:59 pm
Ponderisms

You may have heard these before, but I thought I'd share.


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant
to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you
see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make
it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make
it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Tags:
Current Mood: amused amused

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