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I Got a Weird Vibe - The Cover Story
October 2013
 
 
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Tue, Jun. 21st, 2005 05:29 pm
I Got a Weird Vibe

So this week's car is a Pontiac Vibe. The vibe looks like a station wagon, but has about as much trunk space as a can of Pringles. The car has a combination of incredibly poor and absolutely wonderful features that make driving it evoke the same emotions you might feel having an incredibly bitchy but beautiful young women hitting on you -- the benefits don't outweigh the long-term hassle. For example:

Before I even pulled out of the rental lot, I turned on the car, and I had my "door open" idiot light on. I tested each of the car's four doors, slamming them shut, before I tried closing the hatch on the rear of the car (which I had already closed when I loaded my luggage). After three attempts at absolutely slamming it back into it hitch, the door held and the light went out. Pulling out of the lot at Avis, I started driving around the lot (speed limit 5 mph). I gently passed 5 miles per hour, and the car started BEEPING at me. There was no warning light, just a beep... beep... beep. I frantically looked around, wondering what the hell the issue was, pulled over, opened and closed all the door, moved my luggage into the back seat, relocked the spare tire in place, checked the tire pressure, did a hand stand, and then recited the Gettysburg Address. The little bastard kept beeping. As I approached the security booth to leave the lot, I picked up my bag to reach my license, which was with my contract. As soon as I lifted the bag, the alarm cut off mid-beep. I put the bag back down. More beeping. The damnable car thought my laptop was a passenger, and wanted me to belt it in.

That said, the car accelerates like the Grand Am I had last week, and features a 115V socket in the dash, which I find awesome. The drivers seat is rather cramped for a person of my stature, even with the seat full back, but its not unmanagably so. The rear-view mirror, though, have this amazing tendency to realign themselves everytime I leave the car, a pheonomeon I'm sure isn't by design, but I can't readily explain.

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6CommentReplyShare


(Anonymous)
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 10:39 am (UTC)

damn johnny you are too funny... :)


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pezzonovante
pezzonovante
pezzonovante
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC)

That's when you know your laptop is too heavy, and therefore either too old or too powerful. Prolly the latter in your case.


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sirroxton
sirroxton
Adam Augusta
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)

Pshaw, if your laptop can't suck the soul out of a 5lbs lithium battery in an hour and a half, it's not working hard enough! Gogogogo Alienware.


ReplyThread Parent
bronzite
bronzite
Robert Bronzite
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)

Ironically, I'm pretty close to that. Except for the five-pound bit. I think.


ReplyThread Parent
sirroxton
sirroxton
Adam Augusta
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC)

That's.... kinda tragic. :)


ReplyThread Parent
coopster22
coopster22
Wed, Jun. 22nd, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)

I wish that our riding lawn mower had that sensitivity. It has a "safty feature" where if the driver gets off of the seat it will disengage the blades, since the driver is obviously going to jump under the lawn mower next or something.. Anyways, whenever you go over a bump the seat bounces so the sensor thinks that the driver is getting up and shuts down the mower. Silly manufacturers :)


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