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Watching It All Fall Apart - The Cover Story
October 2013
 
 
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Fri, Apr. 19th, 2002 10:47 pm
Watching It All Fall Apart

Work. School. We did backboarding in the water in Lifeguarding today. There are few things more difficult than remaining calm as you are strapped to a backboard. That was interesting. As per now tradition, I went bowling with Andrea at 2030. We only bowled two strings. We tried to get seats at NV-20, but the place was full, so Andrea decided to walk back to her dorm room. I went with her, then hung about a while in the Campus Center, then returned to NV-20 for standing room only just in time to see Professor Ciaraldi's play. Afterwards I walked back to Morgan with Kevin and Nina, but Nina hauled Kevin up to their dorm rooms for whatever it is those two have gotten up to. Afterwards I IM'ed with Andrea for a bit. I'm thinking that my attempt at the so-called Hafner Objective has been in vain. We talked about boyfriends and girlfriends in general, and avoided the issue of the relationship between us. She said she had never had a boyfriend, nor was she interested in having one. After we talked a while, she changed the subject as soon as the opportunity presented itself. It seems so futile to keep trying to get Andrea to want to step up our relationship. I've come to the conclusion that even if she wanted to have a boyfriend, I'm not really on the list of canidates, or at least, not very high. Nina seems to think that we are together, but as I told Kevin today, nothing is happening. Perhaps its just me; perhaps I'm doing something wrong. Doing something to scare her off. Perhaps its her; too afraid to step up to bat. Either way, I lose. Its easy, I guess, to lose confidence. I can't stand the thought of all that time, all that energy, all those resources, wasted on a campaign that was doomed from the start. Maybe my basic method is flawed. The whole concept of grab one girl, and keep trying until you get through. The focus-fire approach has done nothing for me. Now I have a friend who thinks highly of me, thinks I'm funny, intelligent, and undatable. A quartet, not a pair of duos. On top of everything else, there's the question of if I can even afford to detach. Meeting a girl as wonderfully compatible with me as Andrea was a fluke, dumb luck. I sank everything I had into making her like me for almost eight months now. For my trouble, I have nothing to show. A mediocre friend who would just as soon hang out with anybody else on campus. A relationship I have to struggle and sacrifice to maintain.

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